Just Because It Burns
by eevaeon
Summary: Doesn't Mean You're Going to Die. You've Got to Try. Matsukawa has a lot of gay feelings and Iwaizumi really just wants to sleep.


"Ooh, Mattsun, you've got pork cutlet for your side today!" Hanamaki eyed his friend's lunch hungrily as he unwrapped his own. Matsukawa took a moment to appreciate the cute sparkle in his friend's eyes.

"Yeah, and you've got hamburger with cheese," Matsukawa eventually hummed in reply.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi watched, fascinated and incredulous, as Matsukawa reached down to pick up a section of his meat and hold it up to Hanamaki's lips with his chopsticks. Hanamaki opened his mouth, allowing Matsukawa to deposit the pork safely inside. Hanamaki chewed.

"Mm, you too, Mattsun," Hanamaki said, preparing a bite of his own food for his best friend.

The two devotedly fed each other for the rest of the lunch.

"You two are so gay," Oikawa whined. Iwaizumi solemnly nodded his head in agreement.

"Takes one to know one," Matsukawa quipped.

"Iwa-chan and I aren't nearly as gay as you are," Oikawa huffed. For all of his dramatic tendencies, Oikawa was surprisingly shy about public displays of affection.

"Don't be jealous," Hanamaki chided before setting down his empty lunchbox. He grabbed Matsukawa's arm and sidled up to the taller teen. "Not everyone can have such a great, wonderful, loving relationship as us."

"You're not even dating!" Oikawa protested.

Matsukawa refrained from saying, "Not yet."

"And we're still three hundred times more romantic than you and Iwaizumi," Matsukawa instead grinned, before tugging Hanamaki over onto his lap. Hanamaki stuck his tongue out at the actual couple before snuggling into the taller teen. Matsukawa happily stuck his own tongue out as well.

"Mature," Iwaizumi muttered.

"I don't think my room can hold all four of us," Oikawa worried as they stared at his room. There was his bed, the floor, and that was it. "I only have one spare futon, so someone would have to sleep on the couch and I don't want to make anyone sleep alone out there."

"We could all just sleep in the living room," Iwaizumi suggested.

"I don't see what the issue is. You and Iwaizumi share a bed, and Makki and I will share the futon," Matsukawa threw in, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Silence.

"T-That's lewd, Mattsun!" Oikawa cried out, blushing. Iwaizumi's face was also suspiciously red.

"You can't tell me you guys are childhood friends, date, and don't sleep together," Hanamaki said incredulously.

"It's different," Iwaizumi gruffly responded.

"What, cause you're not going to have sex?" Matsukawa rose his eyebrows.

"Mattsun!" Oikawa choked out, scandalized beyond belief. Iwaizumi made gurgling noises off to the side.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing right now," Hanamaki threw his hands up dramatically. "Our lovey dovey captain and vice captain are blushing maidens who are too shy to share a bed outside of carnal pleasure!"

"That's not it! It's just, it's kind of private, isn't it?" Iwaizumi finally managed to stammer out. Oikawa nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Doesn't that just make it more awkward for Makki and me? We're gonna be cuddling like, the whole night through," Matsukawa pouted, making grabby motions at his best friend. Hanamaki let out a pitiful sob and rushed into the other's open arms. Matsukawa tried not to feel too smug or happy about it and failed on both accounts.

"Shouldn't you be more embarrassed?" Iwaizumi questioned, pinching his nose between his fingers.

"Shouldn't you be less embarrassed?" Hanamaki shot back.

"I'll just get the futon out, then," Oikawa piped up and left the room. Iwaizumi muttered something about helping him drag it back in and disappeared.

"Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon, Takahiro?" Matsukawa asked his best friend in the most serious voice he could muster.

"You're taller, so you can be the big spoon, Issei," Hanamaki yawned.

"I don't think height really matters if we're in bed."

"Yeah, well, maybe I just want to be held by your big strong arms while I sleep," Hanamaki sniffed. Matsukawa grinned in response and ruffled his best friend's pink hair.

"Aw, Takahiro, I'd hold you to sleep every night," Matsukawa crooned. Secretly, Matsukawa wished to himself that he could.

"That's creepy, Mattsun," Oikawa huffed as he came back into the room, dragging a medium sized futon behind him along with Iwaizumi, who held sheets and a comforter.

"Why are you two so gay?" Iwaizumi groaned.

"I think you're sweet, Issei, don't listen to these naysayers. Besides, what's the point in being a faggot," Hanamaki trailed off, grinning predatorily.

"If your best friend isn't there to taggit?" Matsukawa crowed victoriously. The two broke their hug to high five.

"You two are literal five year olds," Oikawa complained.

"Coming from the Grand King of Kindergarten," Matsukawa retorted. Iwaizumi just shook his head at the mess that was his group of friends.

"Let's just go to sleep," Iwaizumi finally interrupted after a few more minutes of bantering.

"Hey guys," Matsukawa greeted Oikawa and Iwaizumi, who were waiting by the train station.

"Hey, Mattsun," Oikawa smiled in response.

"'Sup," Iwaizumi held up a hand.

"Where's Makki?" Matsukawa asked. Oikawa shrugged.

"Hey guys!" Hanamaki's voice rung out, and the three turned to see the pink-haired boy skipping towards them before skidding to a halt.

Matsukawa felt his heart thud loudly in his chest.

The strawberry boy was wearing black chukkas, these ridiculously tight, black jeans that made his legs look a lot slimmer than they were, and a sweater. Matsukawa's favorite sweater.

The soft, sky blue material was prettily draped over the shorter boy's body, giving him a feminine look. The light color complemented his rhubarb-tinted hair and the neckline was just large and open enough to show off his milky white collarbones. The sleeves were a little long and hung two inches from Hanamaki's fingertips. The sweater's torso was also too big and reached mid thigh.

It was times like this that Matsukawa was only too happy to take advantage of their close, touchy, no-barrier relationship.

"Makki, come here," Matsukawa made grabby motions at the boy, who obediently stepped forward to embrace him. The dark-haired teenager tightly hugged the shorter teen close and rocked them back and forth.

"Can't you restrain yourselves for even a second? We're in public," Iwaizumi sighed.

"You just wish you could act this way with Oikawa," Hanamaki said, voice muffled by Matsukawa's tee-shirt.

"Are you sure you guys are dating?" Matsukawa tacked on.

"Are you sure you guys aren't?" Oikawa shot back. "Iwa-chan, hold my hand. I refuse to be outdone by these hooligans."

Oikawa petulantly held his hand out, which Iwaizumi eagerly took though he tried to paste a long-suffering look on his face. Matsukawa loosened his hold on his best friend and allowed the him to step away.

"Us too, Matsu-chan," Hanamaki pouted, popping his lower lip out exaggeratedly and shoving his hand in front of Matsukawa's face.

"Anything for you, babe," Matsukawa smiled fondly and reached up to take the hand. He felt inexplicably lucky as the four trooped off for the day's adventure.

"Ugh, I can't believe I have to be stuck with you faggy losers alone," Matsukawa groaned.

"We're not even doing anything, Mattsun," Oikawa rolled his eyes before smirking. "Well, I mean, we could if you're so keen to watch."

"Absolutely not," Iwaizumi firmly stated. His actions didn't quite match his words though, and the ace slung his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders.

"This is what I mean! Stop being so gay when you know I am alone and sad in this miserable world," Matsukawa whined.

"Oh yeah, where is Makki anyways?" Oikawa idly asked.

"Home. Sick," Matsukawa pouted.

"Tell him we wish him well," Iwaizumi directed.

"Buy him some cream puffs before you see him," Oikawa chimed in.

"I don't know if cream puffs are the best sick food," Iwaizumi lightly protested.

"Who says I'm going to see him?"

"Mattsun, you can't hide things from your all-seeing, great, wise, and amazing captain, the grand one and only moi!" Oikawa dramatically exclaimed, throwing a hand out for flourish before continuing. "Anyways, ignoring your raging hard on and unbearably flowery crush on our dear friend, fellow third-year, and beloved wing spiker… You guys are best friends."

"We kind of just assumed you'd go," Iwaizumi succinctly summarized.

"Excuse me? Raging hard on? Unbearably flowery crush? Am I really hearing this from Oikawa Tooru of all people?" Matsukawa sputtered.

"I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, Mattsun. I'm going to ignore whatever implications you just spouted and give you love advice," Oikawa sniffed. "I am such a good friend, after all."

"Bullshit, you just want to play cupid," Iwaizumi grinned, fondly petting his lover's head. The brown-haired boy leaned into the touch willingly, even letting out a small purr. Matsukawa was properly disgusted.

"Again, am I really about to receive love advice from Oikawa Tooru of all people? Oikawa, you pined for Iwaizumi for years without saying anything. Years!"

"Yeah, and we're together, aren't we?" Oikawa stuck his tongue out.

"Only because Iwaizumi finally realized you were madly in love with him and asked you out," Matsukawa grumbled.

"So my pining worked in the end," Oikawa concluded triumphantly.

"See, but Iwaizumi had also been pining for you for years. So really, you're both just idiots."

"Pot, kettle, Mattsun. What was it you said? I don't want to hear that from you," Oikawa quoted with a large smirk on his face.

Ding!

Matsukawa hastily took his chance and grabbed his phone.

 **an internet mem:** mattsun save me

 **an internet mem:** mattsun i'm dying

 **an internet mem:** write my eulogy ok make it nice and tasty

 **an internet mem:** provide profiteroles at my wake ok

 **an internet mem:** and if you don't throw yourself over my dead body

 **an internet mem:** and start furiously sobbing and screaming

 **an internet mem:** i will haunt you forever

Matsukawa laughed and quickly texted back.

 **one true wew lad:** what if i want you to haunt me forever?

 **one true wew lad:** ;) 3 3 3

 **an internet mem:** i still want you to proclaim your undying love over my corpse

 **one true wew lad:** of course babe

 **an internet mem:** i need cough syrup and tissues

 **one true wew lad:** i don't think cough syrup is supposed to be used as lube

 **an internet mem:** see you later

"And you call us gross," Oikawa pursed his lips as he read the text history over Matsukawa's shoulder. Iwaizumi looked over the other one, sharing Oikawa's criticizing expression.

"You should just tell him," Iwaizumi gravely advised.

"Why don't you two just mind your own business?" Matsukawa ground out.

"What, like you did with us?" Oikawa blinked his eyes owlishly and Iwaizumi snorted. Some friends they were.

"Wow, you look awful," Matsukawa remarked as he took in the scene before him. Hanamaki was lifelessly draped over his bed, shivering and drenched in sweat. His shirt was soaked through and rode up his stomach, exposing more sickly pale flesh. Hanamaki had an arm thrown over his eyes as he panted for air. A weak cough filtered out.

"You really know how to charm a guy," Hanamaki managed to croak out before his body was wracked with a coughing fit. Matsukawa winced and quickly walked over to bring the cup of tea he had brewed downstairs and the coughing syrup. The tall boy helped his friend sit up and then carefully measured out a capful of the candy red syrup to hold up to the other's lips.

"Open up," Matsukawa commanded, and Hanamaki obediently complied, making a face as the fake cherry-medicine flavor exploded on his town and trickled down his throat. Matsukawa smiled sympathetically and brought another capful up. Hanamaki sighed and then drank that down too.

"I hurt," Hanamaki sighed pitifully, his voice rattling out like a creaky door. Matsukawa felt something in his chest tighten at the sound.

"I made you tea."

"Thanks."

Hanamaki looked so frail and so delicate shriveled up in his bed, sipping his tea. Matsukawa just wanted to wrap the teenager into a large blanket and take care of him for all eternity.

"I thought we were all gonna go meet up and buy court shoes on Saturday," Matsukawa crossed his arms, looking at the guilty duo before him.

"Ehh, even we want to go on dates, Mattsun! Don't be bitter cause you're single and sad!" Oikawa puffed his cheeks up.

"It's half price at the amusement park for couples," Iwaizumi mumbled.

"Yes, please, rub your romance in my face more," Matsukawa glared at his fellow wing spiker.

"It's not our fault you're a coward and alone," Oikawa said haughtily.

"You know he'd probably say yes," Iwaizumi offered up.

"I don't know anything," Matsukawa replied after a pause. The three stood in silence until the sound of approaching footsteps disrupted it.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Hanamaki greeted them.

"Oikawa and Iwaizumi are heartless bastards who don't care for us at all and are backing out of our hang out on Saturday," Matsukawa supplied. Iwaizumi and Oikawa rolled their eyes in tandem.

"Aw, and I was looking forward to that. What's so important you can't go?" Hanamaki pouted.

"They're going on a date at the amusement park."

"It's half off for couples," Iwaizumi repeated, stressing the importance of this. Oikawa nodded sagely.

"Eh? I wanna go too," Hanamaki stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. Oikawa and Iwaizumi exchanged a glance. Matsukawa felt his heartbeat rate go up. Oikawa and Iwaizumi turned their gazes onto him. Matsukawa sweated.

Just as Matsukawa was about to speak up, Hanamaki drawled out, "Mattsun, take me."

A beat.

Matsukawa couldn't breathe.

"Of course," the tall boy finally managed to croak out, remembering that he and Hanamaki had never had boundaries before. It would be weird if he made a big deal out of this.

"Well, guess we're on a double date then!" Oikawa cheerfully said. The volleyball captain went on to plan when and where they'd meet as well as what they'd do. Matsukawa wasn't listening though.

"Uh, guys, sorry, I have to go. Mid-life crisis and all that, you know!" Matsukawa haphazardly threw a hand out in a lazy wave as he turned to walk away. Which turned into a jog. Which turned into a full on sprint.

"You're seventeen!" Oikawa called after him.

"Mid-life crisis!" Matsukawa yelled back and continued to run.

 **one true wew lad:** i like hanamaki

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** is this supposed to be news mattsun?

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** why are you messaging us at 4 am

 **one true wew lad:** i'm going through a mid life crisis ok

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** you're 17

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** you're 17

 **one true wew lad:** you two are what we call "unsupportive friends"

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** mattsun when i told you i was in love with iwa chan

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** you laughed for four and a half mins in my face

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** and then you called me a gay loser

 **one true wew lad:** in my defense you were and still are

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** RUDE! iwa chan defend my honor

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** why are you messaging us at 4 am

 **one true wew lad:** why are you up at 4 am

 **one true wew lad:** why are you BOTH up at 4 am

 **one true wew lad:** are you guys sexting or somethign wtf

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** well you got it half right

 **one true wew lad:** omfg you guys are having sex

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** well we were before you interrupted us

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** matsukawa what the fuck do you want

 **one true wew lad:** idk

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** i hate everything

"That'll be 4000 yen for both of you," the girl at the ticket counter said, without looking up. Matsukawa dutifully paid the fee and led Hanamaki over to where Iwaizumi and Oikawa were sitting on a nearby bench.

"Hey," Iwaizumi greeted.

"You guys made it!" Oikawa grinned.

"Mattsun is such a gentleman, he even paid for me," Hanamaki cooed.

"I knew it. You're using me for my money," Matsukawa clasped his chest and looked off to the side and at the ground with the most forlorn expression he could muster. "I'm in love with a gold digger."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm using you for your discount potential," Hanamaki turned his nose up in the air as the other three laughed.

Matsukawa secretly thought that he'd be fine with Hanamaki using him for his money, if it meant that he was with him always.

"I'm a sap," Matsukawa moaned out, causing his best friend to look at him curiously. Iwaizumi and Oikawa exchanged knowing glances again.

"Where'd that come from?" Hanamaki questioned.

"Mattsun is experiencing the tender twinges of newfound, innocent, pure-hearted love and affection like a blossoming rose," Oikawa helpfully chimed in. Matsukawa wanted to strangle him and struggled to keep a calm face.

"Who are you, Rock Lee?" Matsukawa rose an eyebrow and inwardly congratulated himself for not blushing or freaking out.

"Wait, do you have a crush on someone, Matsukawa?" Hanamaki hesitantly asked. Matsukawa stared straight ahead as he tried to think of possible responses. Oikawa's gaze was boring through his skin and Hanamaki was looking at him from the corner of his eye. Matsukawa glanced at Iwaizumi pleadingly. Surely the ace would save him.

"Crush? What is this, middle school?" Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Ok, fine. Mattsun, do you like like someone?" Hanamaki changed his wording.

Silence.

Iwaizumi made a helpless gesture as if to say "sorry I tried." Matsukawa appreciated the effort and ran over his options again.

1\. Panic and run away.

2\. Confess his undying love and lust for his best friend

3\. Deny everything

4\. Forget how to talk.

"Uh," Matsukawa squeaked out. He could feel his face heating up.

"Oh look! Rollercoaster. Let's go," Iwaizumi hastily interjected and led the group over to the ride.

 **one true wew lad:** oikawa you are dead to me

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** i'm sorrrryyyyy i was just trying to help!

 **one true wew lad:** dead

Things were significantly awkward after the group's amusement park excursion. It wasn't anything that would be noticeable to the outside eye, but Matsukawa could feel it was different than before.

There was a feeling of waiting hanging around every time they got together. Whether it was break, lunch, practice, or out of school hangouts, everyone felt on edge.

Matsukawa found himself staring at Hanamaki more and more. Sometimes, Hanamaki would glance over, and the brunette found himself whipping his head away like some silly schoolgirl.

On the flip side, Matsukawa also found himself the subject of Hanamaki's gaze. But when he turned to look back, Hanamaki would already be focusing on something else.

They still joked around, but both teens carefully avoided their usual romance routine. Matsukawa felt empty.

"You guys are free this Friday, right?" Oikawa asked during lunch.

"I think so, why?" Hanamaki lazily responded. Normally, Hanamaki would be leaning against Matsukawa or laying his head down on his lap. Normally, Hanamaki would be touching him.

Now they sat at a strange, foreign distance apart.

"I can't take this anymore! Iwa-chan, come get milkbread with me," Oikawa whined and stood up, offering a hand to his boyfriend. Iwaizumi shrugged an apology to Matsukawa and followed their captain out the door.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki stared at each other.

"So, what's up?" Matsukawa tentatively asked.

"You tell me," Hanamaki replied.

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"No."

"Then what's going on?"

Hanamaki looked off to the side, seemed to gather his thoughts, then sighed before mumbling out, "Why didn't you tell me you liked someone?"

Silence.

"More to the point, why did you tell Oikawa instead of me?" Hanamaki tacked on.

"To be fair, Oikawa knew before I did I'm pretty sure," Matsukawa shakily replied. This was unknown territory. Matsukawa had never liked someone before. He didn't know how to deal with the object of his affection asking him about this sort of stuff.

"True, Oikawa knows everything. Kinda creepy."

The two sat in more uncomfortable silence.

"I thought we were best friends," Hanamaki finally muttered.

"We are."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" Hanamaki breathed out.

Matsukawa thought for what to say, choosing his words carefully.

"I don't want you to leave me."

And then he got up and left.

 **an internet mem:** and then he left

 **an internet mem:** what does that even mean "i don't want you to leave me"

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** well makki in my personal experience

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** that usually means they don't want you to leave them

 **an internet mem:** i don't get it though why would i leave him

 **an internet mem:** i would never leave him

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** that's gay makki

 **an internet mem:** i am gay

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** i did not sign up to this friendship to play therapist

 **an internet mem:** i will spam this chat with thousands of shitty pepes if you don't help me

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** every pepe is a shit pepe

 **an internet mem:** all the more reason for you to help me then

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** makki, why do you think i was so afraid to tell iwa chan hmmm?~

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** that's your advice. think it, live it, love it

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** and let us fucking sleep

 **an internet mem:** scandalous lies, you two are canoodling i know it

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** i'm going to block everyone

 **one true wew lad:** did he say anything to you guys

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** kill me

 **one true wew lad:** did he say that?!

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** he didn't but i have to say

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** even i'm getting tired of getting messaged at ass o'clock

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** literally every day wtf

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** matsukawa you're going to be fine

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** now i'm going to turn off my notifications

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** and cuddle my boyfriend in peace

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** well you heard the man! night night~ good luck mattsun!

It was halfway through their walk home that Matsukawa finally spoke up, trembling as he changed his world.

"I'm in love with you."

Hanamaki stopped walking.

Matsukawa continued to walk a few paces ahead before stopping. He didn't turn around, but he could feel Hanamaki staring at his back intensely.

"I'm so in love with you, you have no idea," Matsukawa continued, voice growing more confident with every word. Hanamaki was quiet.

"I think I've always been in love with you. Since we met, you know?"

Silence.

"We always pretend like we're dating and hang off of each other and you're this huge constant in my life and I was scared of changing that. I wanted- I want more. I always want more. But I don't want you to leave me."

Matsukawa took a deep breath.

"Lately though, I've been thinking that it'd be worth the risk. That it'd be worth the risk to humiliate myself and end our friendship. It'd be worth the risk if I could be with you."

Matsukawa could feel something stinging his eyes and let out a weak chuckle as he forced himself to keep talking. He had to keep talking. If he stopped here, he'd never be able to say another word in his life.

"That doesn't even make sense, does it? I can't help it though. I'm sick of holding your hand, but not really holding your hand. I just want to love you. And maybe, maybe you'd let me?"

"Is this you asking me out, Issei?" Hanamaki asked, voice low and revealing nothing. Matsukawa felt like he could faint.

"Yeah," Matsukawa's voice cracked halfway through the word.

More silence. And then Matsukawa felt a warm body collide against him and arms snaking around to wrap tight around his torso.

"You idiot, I've been in love with you the whole time," Hanamaki admitted shakily.

 **an internet mem:** and then my darling issei turned around and kissed me

 **an internet mem:** truly the most romantic confession scene of all time

 **one true wew lad:** you deserve only the best babe 3

 **an internet mem:** my sweetheart 3

 **one true wew lad:** my soul 3

 **an internet mem:** my one and only #

 **an internet mem:** fuck 3*

 **one true wew lad:** my everything 3

 **The Extraterrestrial King:** so this is sweet and all but

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** STOP FUCKING MESSAGING US AT 4 AM


End file.
